Whatever happened to nicknames?

Where I grew up, people had nicknames.  I had an uncle named Jesse, but everyone called him Popeye.  I never saw him eat spinach.

There were people named Pepsi (a diabetic, no doubt), Bear, Goat and Goofy.  Goofy was a mechanic who became a mortician.  You can't make this stuff up.

Oddly, you didn't even have to resemble your namesake.  Preach was not a preacher, nor was PeeWee particularly small.  Bug was not afraid of pesticide, and Catfish didn't live in the river.

The best nicknames didn't even have meanings.  I remember a guy named Drutch, and man was he cool.  He looked like he was in Lynyrd Skynyrd.  If you're out there, Drutch, look me up.  FREEBIRD!!!

What happened to nicknames?  Did the death of Citizens Band radios destroy our nicknamed culture?  Is there nobody out there who still answers to Wormy?

Whatever happened to phrase of the week?

Don't go there.  TMI.  Word.  What happened to all these cool sayings?  I don't know where this stuff got started.  Was 23 skidoo the original cool saying?  I miss trendy catch phrases.  Not.

Oh no you didn't.  Where did these things come from anyway?  Now everyone just says OMG and I even heard someone say LOL.  Out loud.  How rude!

And when did chill out become chillax, anyway?

What's up with iPhone culture?

I'm in the unenviable position of being 22 months into a 24 month cell contract.  My phone is OLD.  A two-year-old car is considered a good value.  A two-year-old phone is an antique.  As such, I face the scorn, scrutiny and thinly-veiled judgment of the cellphone technorati every time I pull my geriatric cellphone from my pocket.  People ask if my phone has apps.  Yep.  But not from Bank of America or Citibank or Chase.  You see, I bought a non-Android, non-iPhone smartphone.  Or as I like to call it, a dumbphone.  My phone's operating system is called Symbian.  It turns out that I've purchased the cellphone equivalent of a Betamax VCR.  Yeah, I have apps to download.  Except it is nothing you've ever heard of.  Angry Birds?  Nope.  I have something that looks like Centipede but is called Snakes.  I am a cellular Luddite.  I've only seen one other person with my phone, and I'm pretty sure he was a Mennonite. 

The other day I asked an iPhone user how they liked their phone. I was told "I don't know how I survived without it!"  Really?  I like Playstation, Blu-rays and microwaves but I managed to survive before they came along and will continue to do so once they're obsolete.

What is it about iPhone culture?  These people defend Steve Jobs like he was their dear old dad.  I remember when the counter-culture yupsters were the only people who liked Apple.  Now if you're not on an iPhone you're somehow missing the boat. "Hey, let's FaceTime...oh, you're not one of us."

With two months left on my contract, will I eventually succumb to the iCrack?